The Cat and the Cabin Boy
by gregterry480
Summary: The most beautiful love story of all time
1. Forbidden Love

"Oh, Jim," went Amelia, giving the love of her life a long, passionate kiss on the lips.

"Oh, Amelia," went Jim. "If only we could be more open about our secret marriage to each other!"

"I know, Jim," said Amelia sadly. "But we can't. You know Doppler would have our heads on spikes if he knew."

Jim chuckled, stroking some hair on his chest, because Jim did sexy things like that all the time.

"How angry can a dog really get over a cat?" said Jim.

But then there was a loud banging on the door. Doppler was home.

"It's my husband!" yelled Amelia. "Quick, hide in the closet!"

Amelia quickly looked in the mirror and fixed up her hair as Doppler stormed into the house.

"Hey, cat bitch!" he yelled. "There had better be a huge bowl of dog food with a bowl of beer next to it, or I'm going to give you rabies tonight!"

"Yes, Doppler!" went Amelia, puting on her maid outfit.

She then gave Doppler dog food and beer. Doppler ate, sat in front of the TV, smoked his pipe, got mad at the fucker who was always winning Jepordey, then went off to go to the bar with some of his dog friends. Amelia sighed with relief.

"It's okay, Jim," she said. "You can come out of the closet now."

"I can't believe you put up with that guy," said Jim.

"I have to. I need his money to support my gambling addiction," Amelia admitted.

"If something were to happen to him, would you inherit his money?"

"Yes, of course," said Amelia. "But why do you ask?"

"Because I think it's time we find out if all dogs truly do go to heaven or not," said Jim.

Amelia blinked.

"Shit, you're stupid," said Jim. "What I'm saying is that I'm going to kill your husband."

Then Jim hopped on his solar surfer, flew off, went to Pizza Planet, and then went off to find an old friend of his.

"If I'm going to kill Doppler," Jim said to himself, "I'm going to need Silver's help."


	2. Finding Silver

It didn't take long for Jim to find Silver, because these days he was always hanging out on at the Benbow Inn. He started out as a cook, but then he and Sarah Hawkins fell in love with each other, because fanfiction is really crappy sometimes.

"Ahoy there, Jimbo," said Silver. "I was just feedin yer mother some of me famous cyborg soup, if ye follow my meaning."

"Yuck," said Jim.

Then Sarah ran up to Silver and embraced him, giving him a soft, smooth kiss on his neck. The cyborg chuckled. He then picked up Jim's mother with his mechanical arm and placed her on the table. They didn't care who was watching them kiss.

"Silver, I need to talk to you," said Jim, trying to look away. "Alone."

"Okay, Jimbo," said Silver, giving Sarah a playful pinch on the cheek. She let out a soft purr. Yuck. "Go in the closet and I'll be right with ya."

Jim went in the closet, where all of the ingredients of Silver's famous cyborg soup were placed, and waited for his friend. When Silver finally entered, his face was covered with lipstick. Yuck.

"What's going on, Jimbo?" said Silver. "You know I have kitchen duties that need tending to."

"Whatever," said Jim, taking his shirt off and stroking his chest hair, because Jim did sexy things like that all the time. "I need you to help me with a job."

"Easy now, Jimbo," said Silver. "You know I'm on the straight and narrow path now. I promised ye mother I was done with piracy."

"This isn't a pirate job," said Jim. "I need you to help me kill Doppler."

"And why exactly would ye be wantin' me to do that?" asked Silver.

Then Jim explained the whole story.

"You mean you and the cat be an item?" went Silver, bewildered. "That be disgusting!"

"Whatever," said Jim, placing his shirt back on. "Do you want to help me or not?"

Silver rubbed his chin.

"I'll think about it, lad," he said. "In the meantime, you can go ahead and come out of the closet. I've got to go send some shivers down yer mother's timburs."

"That doesn't even remotely make sense," said Jim. And yuck!

But as Jim flew off on his solar surfer, doing loop-the-loops and other stunts that were needlessly dangerous, he was shocked to see something so shocking that it couldn't even be revealed in this chapter.

"Oh, my God," Jim gasped. "It's..."


	3. A SHOCKING Plot Twist!

Doppler was in his bed, reading a murder mystery in which the victim was a cat (his favorite kind of story), when Amelia came out of the bathroom looking exhausted.

"That toilet had better be spotless," he barked at her. "Don't forget I'm going to drink out of that thing in the morning!"

"Yes, Delbert," said Amelia, getting out of her maid outfit, back into her captain's outfit, out of her captain's outfit, and into a nightgown with kitty cats on it.

"And if you have anything you need to do, do it outside," snarled Doppler. "The sand is more than good enough for someone of _your_ kind!"

"Yes, Delbert," said Amelia softly.

Before long, her husband was asleep and snoring extremely loudly. She looked out the window and let out a miserable sigh, wondering where her beloved Jim Hawkins was right now.

What she didn't know was that he was currently locked in an epic battle with...

SCROOP! HOLY SHIT!

That's right. Scroop was alive. He had survived his last encounter with Jim (don't worry, he'll explain how he did that to Jim later...maybe), and was now determined to have his revenge. Jim was so shocked when he saw him that he fell off his solar surfer, and now the two enemies were throwing punches at one another.

"Tell me, Hawkinsssssss," sssssaid Sssscroop assss they fought. "Why issss a member of the Academy flying around on hisssss sssssolar sssssurfer at thisssssss hour?"

"None of your business!" said Jim, trying to throw a kick at Scroop's chest. "You're supposed to be history!"

"Hissssstory hassss a funny way of repeating itsssself," said Scroop, and the ugly spider chuckled. "But you'll learn how I'm alive ssssooon enough. You sssseeee, Mr. Hawkinssss, my plan isssss not to kill you. Well, not yet. But firsssst, I mussssst make you ssssuffer. Asssss I have sufferred."

"Wouldn't it, I don't know, be simpler just to kill me now?" said Jim. "I mean you're more likely to win that way instead of giving me time to plan out a way to beat you."

The evil spider chuckled again.

"Sssssssoon you'll wish I had taken you up on that offer," said Scroop. And with a snap of his claws, there was a loud bang, and he was gone in a puff of smoke.

Wait, so Scroop can do like dark magic now? HOLY SHIT!

Jim wondered for a moment if he had imagined the whole encounter with his most deadly of foes. After all, he had smoked some unknown substance with B.E.N. only a few hours back. Perhaps what had just happened was just one long, stupid hallucination.

Unfortunately for Jim, it wasn't. And even more unfortunately for Jim, Scroop knew about Amelia.


End file.
